So… I dunno why, but today I’m in a really good mood, I shouldn’t be. By all standards of my normal day, I should feel like shit, I woke up late, thought I wasn’t going to get to work on time, clocked in early by mistake, found out that there’s only one patient so the nights gonna be super boring, and I’m working with a nurse who is just babbling about some pointless nonsense on a personal call (Which I don’t mind professionally speaking, I just wish she’d take it somewhere I didn’t have to hear her talking) and the one patient I do have today has been going nuts all night, running up and down the hallway, wandering into rooms that aren’t her own, swatting, hitting, kicking, and generally trying to hurt me while she cries for her (Probably deceased) mother, and a baby that’s probably already a grown ass woman who put her here in this geriatric psych ward. So as you see, this is a shit day, by all past exxamples I should be moping around thinking about punching small animals and children to make me feel less shitty, but instead I’m smiling, I’m feeling really good, and things feel like they’re going better than ever, I don’t know what to think about that, but I’m really liking the way I feel right now. It’s such a good feeling, I wish I could feel this way all the time, and now I’m thinking, why don’t I? Why don’t I feel this way all the time? There are people who feel like this twenty four hours a day seven days a week, they’re constantly bubbly, they’re smiling, content, and they feel good, it’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this all on my own, and I love it so much.
I’ve decided, from now on, I’m just going to feel like this. I’m not going to let all the set backs keep me from being happy, I’m going to believe in myself, believe in god, believe in general that the days past, the days where I spent my time coked up and drunk off my ass, hating everyone and everything, getting pissed off at every little thing, are behind me. I’m going to believe that from here on out, no matter what life throws at me, I’m gonna feel good about my life, because I deserve that, I deserve to feel so much better than I have in the past. I’m like my grandparents right now, I’m in a much better place than I’ve ever been in before!